Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Lott's Final Solution
It's always nice when the masks crack under the strain and they speak from the "heart". Here's Trent Lott in today's The Hill:
"“Honestly, it’s a little tougher than I thought it was going to be,” Lott said. In a sign of frustration, he offered an unorthodox military solution: “If we have to, we just mow the whole place down, see what happens. You’re dealing with insane suicide bombers who are killing our people, and we need to be very aggressive in taking them out.”"
Sweet.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
A Desert Crank sends on the following news briefing...
The Bush administration announced today that it is changing the presidential seal to a condom because it more clearly reflects the Bush political stance.
A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Patriot Day
Patriot's Day
Yes, the public schools are now celebrating Patriot Day, September 11th. My eldest talks of it as if it were a holiday with the same status as Martin Luther King Day or Thanksgiving, and if the schools and the president say so, it must be so.
We here at CrankHQ are looking forward to future Patriot Day Sales events--here's some possibilities for next year:
Car companies can give 3000 dollars off in honor of the 3000+ killed at the World Trade Center!
Electronic stores can declare a "Jihad on high prices"!
Or, in honor of Lieutenant General William Boykin, we can declare a Holy War on eastern idols, forcing all consumers to by only 100% All-American goods (of course finding said goods will become an adventure in and of itself).
Yes, the fun is just beginning...
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Day of Atonement
If I could I would...
atone for my country
for my president
for my fellow voters
for the state of Israel
for the taxes I paid that helped build the bombs
for not knowing how to start a revolution
for not believing that a revolution would change anything
for not trying hard enough
for not knowing where to begin
