Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Lott's Final Solution
It's always nice when the masks crack under the strain and they speak from the "heart". Here's Trent Lott in today's The Hill:
"“Honestly, it’s a little tougher than I thought it was going to be,” Lott said. In a sign of frustration, he offered an unorthodox military solution: “If we have to, we just mow the whole place down, see what happens. You’re dealing with insane suicide bombers who are killing our people, and we need to be very aggressive in taking them out.”"
Sweet.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
A Desert Crank sends on the following news briefing...
The Bush administration announced today that it is changing the presidential seal to a condom because it more clearly reflects the Bush political stance.
A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Patriot Day
Patriot's Day
Yes, the public schools are now celebrating Patriot Day, September 11th. My eldest talks of it as if it were a holiday with the same status as Martin Luther King Day or Thanksgiving, and if the schools and the president say so, it must be so.
We here at CrankHQ are looking forward to future Patriot Day Sales events--here's some possibilities for next year:
Car companies can give 3000 dollars off in honor of the 3000+ killed at the World Trade Center!
Electronic stores can declare a "Jihad on high prices"!
Or, in honor of Lieutenant General William Boykin, we can declare a Holy War on eastern idols, forcing all consumers to by only 100% All-American goods (of course finding said goods will become an adventure in and of itself).
Yes, the fun is just beginning...
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Day of Atonement
If I could I would...
atone for my country
for my president
for my fellow voters
for the state of Israel
for the taxes I paid that helped build the bombs
for not knowing how to start a revolution
for not believing that a revolution would change anything
for not trying hard enough
for not knowing where to begin
Monday, September 29, 2003
From the (Unpublished) Archives
Finally catching up with some email from, oh, about four months ago, we ran across this gem from May from the Tarheel Crank, which seems no less relevant today (and tomorrow, and next year, ....)
What Color Is the Sky in Their World?
Yesterday I made the unforgivable mistake of flipping to one of those cable
news channels and actually watching for a couple of minutes. That blowhard
Chris Matthews was blathering on about the "liberation of Iraq". Then he
came to the point that made my jaw drop: he noted how polls show a majority
of Americans believe Saddam Hussein was personally involved in the 9/11
attacks (a nice piece of fiction), and then said that this showed how
successful the administration was in making its case to the American people.
Wha?!?!
Not even a mention that this belief has no basis whatsoever in the world of
fact; or that Osama bin Laden has always hated Saddam Hussein because Iraq
did not have an Islamist government. No, those inconvenient facts escaped
Mr. Matthews in his breathless praise of the brilliant strategists of the
Bush regime.
So those are the standards by which we now measure our politicians: their
ability to convince the American public to believe outright lies. Actually,
now that I think of it, it's not that surprising that this would impress a
corporate media lapdog like Chris Matthews.
Way to play hardball, jackass.
And then today on NPR: the new...uh, governor(?) of Iraq, Paul Bremmer, said
that a sign of improving conditions in Iraq is the fact that electric power
is now available in more places than before the war. Funny how that
works...utilities actually functioning once the American and British planes
stopped bombing them. Of course, not a mention of this inconvenient little
fact from the NPR reporter.
Just go ahead and give Bush and Blair the Nobel Peace Prize...at least then
we could rest assured that Henry Kissinger will have company in the Nobel
Peace Prize Winners circle of hell (I guess Nixon can be their errand boy).
Coming Out Party
Alright, this is not a biting, trenchant political comment... merely an observation (think of it as a warm-up as we fire up the crank machine in preparation for the 2004 "election").
The recent scandal about the naming of the CIA operative who just happened to be married to Bush-critic and former diplomat Joseph Wilson has been particularly striking for the administration's use of the term traditionally associated with exposing the sexuality of a closeted homosexual. Here's Powell on "This Week" as quoted in today Post:"The CIA has an obligation, when they believe somebody who is undercover was outed, so to speak, has an obligation to ask the Justice Department to look into it."
Hmmm.... What are they suggesting, exactly?
