Thursday, November 30, 2006
Bush in Translation
Translating the Bush/Maliki Press Conference from Amman, Jordan.
Bush: We talked today about accelerating authority to the Prime Minister so he can do what the Iraqi people expect him to do, and that is bring security to parts of his country that require firm action.
Translation: We’re working on ways of making Maliki a dictator. Dick Cheney, John Yoo, and Newt Gingrich among others will be consulting.
Maliki: And one -- another time [thing?] I would like to say that Iraq and all the Iraqis in the political process; nobody has the right, outside of Iraq, to interfere in the political or the security situation inside of Iraq.
Translation: American troops should leave Iraq?
Maliki: The national unity government is a government formed of all the entities that participated in it. [. . .] As to the issues that would pertain to violating the law or breaking the law, we would deal with them the same way, because the most important principle is the sovereignty and the power and the establishment of the state that must be borne by the state, but only our partners should participate in that.
Translation: The government is made of those holding legislative or administrative positions within it. If you’re not part of the government, shut the fuck up.
Alternate Translation: Winner takes all.
Bush: Part of the Prime Minister's frustration is, is that he doesn't have the tools necessary to take care of those who break the law.
Translation: I was lying my ass off back in 2004 when I claimed we had trained all those thousands upon thousands of Iraqi army and police. Karl told me to do it.
Bush: The Prime Minister and I agree that the outcome in Iraq will affect the entire region. To stop the extremists from dominating the Middle East, we must stop the extremists from achieving their goal of dominating Iraq. If the extremists succeed in Iraq, they will be emboldened in their efforts to undermine other young democracies in the region, or to overthrow moderate governments, establish new safe havens, and impose their hateful ideology on millions. If the Iraqis succeed in establishing a free nation in the heart of the Middle East, the forces of freedom and moderation across the region will be emboldened, and the cause of peace will have new energy and new allies.
Translation: “forces of freedom and moderation” means those states "supporting" the U.S. and which are willing to invest in the U.S. stock market, continue to purchase U.S. government securities, and buy U.S. dollars. As long as OPEC continues to price oil in U.S. Dollars and not Euros, we’ll be willing to call Saudi Arabia a force of freedom and moderation.
Commentary: Don’t look now George, but the extremists already dominate the Middle East—Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, and the Palestinian Authority. Sure, Saudi Arabia could become more extreme, but as it stands it’s pretty extreme right now, I mean women can’t even drive a car there. I mean, they’ve got full scale and pervasive censorship there. I mean Wahhabism/Salafism is a pretty extreme form of Islam. Maybe you should have borrowed Karen Hughes’s “Middle East” cue cards.
Bush: The unity government of Iraq.
Translation: It’s still a unity government even though a thirty seat block of the Parliament is boycotting the government and a large percentage of the Sunni population didn’t participate in the national elections. See, it’s a unity government because its located in Baghdad.
Translating the Bush/Maliki Press Conference from Amman, Jordan.
Bush: We talked today about accelerating authority to the Prime Minister so he can do what the Iraqi people expect him to do, and that is bring security to parts of his country that require firm action.
Translation: We’re working on ways of making Maliki a dictator. Dick Cheney, John Yoo, and Newt Gingrich among others will be consulting.
Maliki: And one -- another time [thing?] I would like to say that Iraq and all the Iraqis in the political process; nobody has the right, outside of Iraq, to interfere in the political or the security situation inside of Iraq.
Translation: American troops should leave Iraq?
Maliki: The national unity government is a government formed of all the entities that participated in it. [. . .] As to the issues that would pertain to violating the law or breaking the law, we would deal with them the same way, because the most important principle is the sovereignty and the power and the establishment of the state that must be borne by the state, but only our partners should participate in that.
Translation: The government is made of those holding legislative or administrative positions within it. If you’re not part of the government, shut the fuck up.
Alternate Translation: Winner takes all.
Bush: Part of the Prime Minister's frustration is, is that he doesn't have the tools necessary to take care of those who break the law.
Translation: I was lying my ass off back in 2004 when I claimed we had trained all those thousands upon thousands of Iraqi army and police. Karl told me to do it.
Bush: The Prime Minister and I agree that the outcome in Iraq will affect the entire region. To stop the extremists from dominating the Middle East, we must stop the extremists from achieving their goal of dominating Iraq. If the extremists succeed in Iraq, they will be emboldened in their efforts to undermine other young democracies in the region, or to overthrow moderate governments, establish new safe havens, and impose their hateful ideology on millions. If the Iraqis succeed in establishing a free nation in the heart of the Middle East, the forces of freedom and moderation across the region will be emboldened, and the cause of peace will have new energy and new allies.
Translation: “forces of freedom and moderation” means those states "supporting" the U.S. and which are willing to invest in the U.S. stock market, continue to purchase U.S. government securities, and buy U.S. dollars. As long as OPEC continues to price oil in U.S. Dollars and not Euros, we’ll be willing to call Saudi Arabia a force of freedom and moderation.
Commentary: Don’t look now George, but the extremists already dominate the Middle East—Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, and the Palestinian Authority. Sure, Saudi Arabia could become more extreme, but as it stands it’s pretty extreme right now, I mean women can’t even drive a car there. I mean, they’ve got full scale and pervasive censorship there. I mean Wahhabism/Salafism is a pretty extreme form of Islam. Maybe you should have borrowed Karen Hughes’s “Middle East” cue cards.
Bush: The unity government of Iraq.
Translation: It’s still a unity government even though a thirty seat block of the Parliament is boycotting the government and a large percentage of the Sunni population didn’t participate in the national elections. See, it’s a unity government because its located in Baghdad.